We’re having our annual snow storm right now and in my city things shut down for the snow. I think we’ve all collectively, secretly, decided we simply don’t want to deal with the snow and so we stay home. Honestly it’s just a few inches but everyone acts like it’s the End of Days. (there is SOME justification for it: huge hills, few snowplows, bad drivers, etc.)
Nic took a lunch break walk with me through the neighborhood and we stopped by our local mini mart. I don’t know what came over me but I picked up some candy. Specifically a bag of peanut butter M&Ms and a Reese’s peanut butter easter egg. Three months of avoiding shitty food exactly like this only to undo it all in the “sprit of a snow day”. I got home, took a shower, thought about the chocolate some more and then decided I didn’t want to do undo so much hard work. It’s not so much about the sugar, or the “treat” aspect of it. It’s that I chose something cheap and unexciting. I’d so much rather save myself for one delicious cupcake while out with friends. Or the abundance of chocolate headed my way for Valentine’s Day. (oh yes it’s 26 days away!)
I put the chocolate into my work bag and I fully intend to take it to work to pawn off on my sister or coworkers. I realized I was really just hungry, and craving peanut butter. I ended up eating half a cup of yogurt with some blueberries and a sprinkle of granola, a handful of mixed nuts, and a kiwi. I also had a tiny homemade brownie from our freezer stash (agave sweetened) with a smidge of peanut butter. I’m getting better at making this a habit. Thinking about what I really want or need instead of reaching for the things that used to be comforting. Feeling icky and sluggish and poorly nourished wasn’t really working for me anymore.
It’s not even that I might not give in next time, or that I’m perfect, or that I haven’t slipped up during these three months, it’s that I want to remind myself and other people that it’s OK, that we’re not perfect. The important thing is find your way again when you do.
Snow looks like powdered sugar everywhere
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