Lovely old friend
I’ve made some big diet and training changes in the last month and a half. The most notable is that I gave up refined sugar completely. No white or brown sugar, no honey, no cane syrup. The only sweeteners I eat are limited amounts of agave (I’m still skeptical about it’s “healthfulness”), and fruit. On very few, rare occasions I’ve used some maple syrup too but it’s technically too high-GI and I’m not supposed to eat it. I’m also supposed to eat dairy no more than every 2-3 days, limit my carbs to two *very* small servings per day. The point of all this is to help me lose weight and thus lower my blood pressure. I’m also a lifelong sugar addict (that’s a whole story in itself) and this is my final attempt to get off sugar forever. It’s been quite a process.
For some people, giving up sugar might feel like…a piece of cake! For me, it has been incredibly hard. I am a baker and a cook at home. Making food brings me so much joy and making sweets especially. I felt at first like I was giving up a part of myself. I’m learning how to use concentrated fruit juice (boiled down) and agave to bake with. I’m enjoying the challenge. 🙂
I have every intention of sticking with it this time. People keep asking me how much longer I plan to do this and the plan is for me to never eat it again. It seems so cruel and hard at first. I’ve felt a sort of grief almost over saying goodbye to my sweet old friend. I have so many emotions tied up in sugar. Sugar has at many times in my life, equaled love. People who love me have given me cookies, candy, and cupcakes because they know I love these things and they want to treat me. Which I’ve always appreciated. Now it’s a process of delicately trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings by gently telling them I don’t eat it anymore. There’s this huge disbelief too. For the last two years I’ve been on and off sugar so much I know they’re thinking “oh, this is just a phase again”. It’s not this time.
I’m not sure when the real shift happened but I think it was my last visit with my nutritionist. I don’t know what it was but the honesty that came out of me was like confessional. “Forgive me nutritionist for I have sinned…I ate a cupcake and 2 Reese’s peanut butter cups.”
The first few weeks I felt grouchy, weak, had cravings that were out-of-control. I filled in the cravings with agave-sweetened coconut macaroons and sweet ripe fruit. I ate dates and smashed fruit bars. They didn’t work like magic, but they did enough to keep me from caving.
I’ve now come out the other side and it’s still hard when I’m confronted with sweet treats, but I don’t crave them unless I SEE them. That’s a huge change. I also feel so much better physically and emotionally. There is no more “should I eat it or shouldn’t I?” There is no more guilt when I eat more sugar than I’m supposed to. The indecision about it is no longer there because there IS no decision. I just don’t eat it.
I also see now how much I don’t miss that sort of sick feeling you get after eating too much sugar. Or the feeling that I was eating something on top of already being full.
Through this whole process I’ve learned something really important about changing my diet or giving something up: I am not one of those people who can stop eating a bunch of things at once. I just can’t do it. They (I’m not sure who “they” is, medical professionals?) say you should make gradually changes and I think it’s so very true. I think the key to my success this time is that I’ve allowed myself to learn how to live my life without sugar, one step at a time. I’ve had to learn how to bake/cook without it. How to feel like I’m getting a “treat” without it. I’ve had to replace a sweet treat as a reward for myself with something else that feels rewarding. I understand now why I had such a difficult time in the past when I was told to give up caffeine, wheat, dairy, and sugar ALL at once. It was too much newness at once for me. So overwhelming that I just gave up. Now I’m successfully off caffeine and sugar completely. I intend to get off wheat completely next and then reduce my dairy down to no more than twice a week.
The first few weeks I didn’t think much was happening in the weight loss/blood pressure goal of all of this but I had my blood pressure checked at my annual physical this week and it was 108/74!! In addition my clothes have started feeling looser. My skin is also clearer and less oily and my energy levels are up. In that respect it’s completely worth it!
As soon as I get it perfected I hope to start posting some fruit-juice sweetened treats recipes and how to make fruit juice sweetener!
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